The Elephant in the Yard

I have noticed with my daughters (ages 3 and 6), that often when I am sitting down, watching them play (or hoping to), there is suddenly a fog of boredom that wafts through the room.  Conflicts seem to more readily arise between them.  Conversely, when I am physically busy with chores or hobbies, the children either want to help, or they respect the tasks at hand and become industrious in their own parallel way.  Perhaps the feeling is that if I am “just” sitting there, I am available to resolve all conflicts (therefore why not create more, since we have a built in referee?) and I should also, obviously, entertain them.  Yet  when left to their own devices, they can resolve conflicts and create more imaginative games than I ever could.  I think it is so important to give them these opportunities to play and to navigate how to treat one another without my constant input. 

Sometimes the chores of the day capture the children’s interest, and they ask to help.  Laundry, dishes and cleaning tasks can all be rewarding work for them, but what thrills them the most is the real work that happens outside - digging, weeding, watering, planting, mulching, harvesting.  Gardens are magical, even to me as an adult.  I still find myself a bit surprised when a seed I have tended emerges as a food producing plant!  

One day recently, my husband decided to make a koi pond in our backyard.  He spent hours digging a big hole for the pond.  The girls were initially fascinated, and though the excitement waned a bit while the afternoon stretched on, they matched his industriousness with their own digging in the sandbox, as well as helping me to weed and water the garden beds.  Beau set up a table with a notepad and pen, and like a mini archeologist, she rinsed, examined and documented the random items being uncovered in the excavation site...marbles, pottery, whiffle ball, hair clip, coal, elephant?  We passed an entire afternoon busily and contentedly in our little backyard.  (I have a really cute picture of Ruby to add here, but she is one of those new-age, garden-in-your-underwear types).

Sometimes we adults don’t feel like being industrious, and I am not insinuating that we  shouldn’t sit down and relax now and then. Children need to have down time too, and its good for them to see us taking care of ourselves.  I am simply reflecting on how our own work, whether it is done with the assistance of our children or merely in their vicinity,  is an important factor in the children developing their own sense of confidence and self worth.  Whether they are learning how entertain themselves, how to get along with their siblings or how to fold laundry, they feel empowered by these experiences.  Their will is strengthened by being treated like a welcomed and competent helper, as well as by not always needing to be helped. 

Food for thought:  Sometimes the tasks at hand can take a little longer (okay, a lot longer) when we are assisted by our young children.  But look at it this way - if we do not honor their pleas to participate in our family work now when the desire to be included is so heartfelt, do we still have the right to complain when they get older and no longer have any desire or inclination to contribute?

New beginnings...

Becoming a parent changes you. There are the subtle changes - the change in sleep patterns, the change in amount of "me" time, the change in what defines a typical Saturday night.  But the real change is much deeper.  It is powerful.

You are Reinvented.

You are Redefined.

You are MOM.

You are DAD.

The way you experience life is completely different.

You are forever changed.

I had my first child almost six years ago.  I now have two beautiful, miraculous daughters, and here I sit - CHANGED.

I am Reinvented.

I am Redefined.

I am forever changed.

Before I became a mother, I was the Director of a very successful and well-respected childcare center and preschool called Little Friends. I was compassionate, and I had warm relationships with the parents. I really thought I could relate to how they felt when they left their children with us for the day.  I thought I understood, but there's no way I possibly could.  One can have all of the empathy in the world, but it is simply NOT the same as SYMPATHY.  It is not the same as being able to relate, personally relate, to that raw, visceral experience of leaving your child in the care of a virtual stranger for the very first time.  It is not the same as knowing, in your heart, how it feels to be separated from your child - to trust SOMEONE ELSE to care for her needs, give her hugs, kiss her boo boos, help her settle down for a nap.

Now I know.

I KNOW.

I AM CHANGED.

I AM MOM.

I loved Little Friends.  All told I spent ten of my first thirty three years there.  My time there deeply influenced the way my husband and I have chosen to raise our children.  The wonderful philosophy of the school changed the way I look at many things: health and nutrition, media exposure, the types of toys we choose for our children, the importance of time outdoors, the desire to hold back the fast paced nature of the world we live in for just a while longer.  There is NO DOUBT in my mind that I am a better parent today because of the time I spent at Little Friends.

The universe works in mysterious ways.  It had become clear that there was a need for me to rejoin the world of the working - outside of the home.  I was thinking part time. I was unsure what I wanted to do.  I reached out, made that first step...put it out there...and then it happened.  Suddenly I found myself faced with an amazing opportunity.  A school - the school - was waiting for me:

Reinvented,

Redefined,

Forever changed,

(MOM) me.

The interesting thing about life, is that it leads you where you need to go.  This may be different from where you thought you needed to go, and sometimes it seems to make no sense.  But every once in a while, you have a moment.  It is a moment of recognition.  Life begins to lead you down a path that is new, yet feels familiar, comfortable even...and you suddenly grin at the realization that everything that has come before has been leading you here - to THIS.  For me, this is that path.  This is that moment.  It all makes sense.  My experience at Little Friends prepared me to be a better mother, and in turn my experience as a mother has prepared me for a different sort of birth.  Introducing...